It is with great sadness that I have to announce the passing of the DVD. John Lewis has said it will stop stocking DVD players.

Now what am I going to do with all those DVDs that I never watch? I’ll never manage to flog them now.

I feel bad for the DVD because no one will mourn it.

It’s not like vinyl. Vinyl is an outdated format but people still go on about it.

You meet people at parties who say, “Actually I listen to all my music on vinyl, yeah, you just can’t beat that authentic sound, you know.”

But what you hear them say is, “Please like me and think I’m cool. Please.”

OK, the DVD format wasn’t as fun as video where you could press pause at the right moment and make the people in the film look like they were headbanging, but there will be things we’ll miss.

We’ll look back and remember how you’d put the DVD in, settle down, and have to sit through five hours of warnings from the FBI. You couldn’t skip them. I felt like I was told off more by the FBI than El Chapo.

These days everyone is watching their films online and streaming, which means they will never know the joy of seeing some random bloke come walking into a pub, slinking up to you and asking if you want DVD.

For just £5 you had a copy of the back of someone’s head who was watching the film you wanted.

Maybe we say no. Refuse to go quietly.

You make a stand, keep your DVD player, keep the format alive and buy all the DVDs you can get no matter how high the price.

If you need to buy some I have some I’m trying to shift.

• You can see Steve Allen in The Mash Report on BBC2 on Fridays, 10pm.