‘People laugh because you’re a bloke’, says Redbridge builder battered by his partner

PUBLISHED: 15:30 25 November 2012

A male victim of domestic violence has spoken about how people did not take what was happening to him seriously.

Support services

• Dedicated council website with list of options and support available:

• Independent domestic violence advisers: 9am-4.30pm - 020 8550 2410 / 0208 418 2390. Experienced advisers for practical support

• Domestic violence One Stop Shop: Every Wednesday 2-4pm at Loxford Polyclinic, Ilford Lane, Ilford, to advise you on support available such as housing, legal and, with your consent, the police.

• Victim Support Redbridge: Specialist domestic violence advice 020 8550 2410;

• Redbridge Action Against Domestic Abuse (RAADA): For support and advice for women in Redbridge 07946 872 734

• Always dial 999 in an emergency.

Adam – not his real name – was in an abusive relationship for three years and found it difficult to get people to take the situation seriously.

Speaking ahead of White Ribbon Day today, which urges men to make a pledge against violence, he said: “If the shoe was on the other foot and she went to the police with those wounds I would probably be in prison.

“It was a problem getting people to take it seriously.”

In 2010/11 there were 21 men killed by a partner or ex-partner compared to 93 women, according to Home Office statistics. The following year five per cent of men said they had experienced domestic violence that year.

Adam said: “When you talk about domestic abuse it’s always the woman cowering in the corner, it’s never a bloke. I think a lot of blokes are too proud to come forward about it.”

Over their three year relationship Adam had severe head injuries, black eyes, cuts and bruises from his girlfriend.

“She promised to go to anger management and it would stop for a while then start up again,” he said. “She would wake me up with a fist and when I was late she would say I was having an affair. I put down a lot of it to drink.”


Although Adam has now moved on with his life, he said he found it frustrating he could not get people to take the violence seriously.

“People laugh at you because you’re a bloke,” he said.

“I’m a builder so I’m not a weed, if I wanted to lamp that woman I could have, but I didn’t want to.

“I stayed because of my daughter, otherwise I would have left her years ago,” he added.

Yesterday, men from around the borough took part in a football tournament to raise awareness of domestic violence.

Teams took to Fairlop Power League, Forest Road, Hainault.

White Ribbon Day’s personal pledge, which it asks men to make, includes never committing, condoning or remaining silent about domestic violence committed against women.

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