Search

Time 107.5 FM’s Steve Allen: ‘I’d notice if my date at the bar was a laptop’

PUBLISHED: 13:26 17 March 2017 | UPDATED: 13:35 17 March 2017

Time FM DJ Steve Allen, who writes opinion columns for the Ilford Recorder and Romford Recorder every week.

Time FM DJ Steve Allen, who writes opinion columns for the Ilford Recorder and Romford Recorder every week.

Archant

Technology news is normally terrifying. This week we heard hackers could break into our Fitbits and hold the data to ransom.

I’m not sure I’d pay to hide the fact that I don’t do much exercise. The secret is out every time I bend to tie a shoelace and come up looking like I’ve run a marathon.

Finally I have spotted good news for those of us who like technology. Google is to introduce new tools that mean we won’t have to fill in CAPTCHA forms ever again.

If you don’t know what they are, they’re little tests you have to do to prove to a website that you are not a robot. It’s normally a reading test, not something that assesses if you can feel human love.

I’ve always hated the idea of a website, run on a computer, testing me to see if I am a computer.

I’m even more upset when I can’t read the messy typing on the CAPTCHA test and fail it so many times even I wonder if I cut myself would I find wires.

I bought a fridge recently. During that online purchase I had to prove I was human. Why would a computer buy a fridge? Are they recruiting an army for the upcoming techpocalypse?

To join dating websites you have to show you’re not a computer. Don’t worry, if I go to a bar and see a laptop sat there wearing lipstick I’ll notice.

We’ll have an awkward conversation: “I thought you said you were Adele.

“But you meant you’re a Dell. OK.”

But I won’t go on a second date.

I’m glad Google have rid us of that online test. Now if they could find a way to tell who has humanity in the real world it would be a nicer place.

Tune into Steve’s Friday show on Time 107.5 FM at 2.15pm for the weekly local paper review with the Recorder. 
You can follow Steve on Twitter @mrstevenallen.

Related articles

0 comments

Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files
Comments

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Ilford Recorder visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Ilford Recorder staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Ilford Recorder account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

Latest Ilford News Stories

Police officers were forced to direct traffic at one of Redbridge’s busiest junctions this morning after a van drove into a traffic light there.

A 21-year-old from Woodford Green and another man from Manor Park have been charged with murdering a 28-year-old in Havering.

Eyewitnesses have described the terrifying moment that a fatal shooting unfolded in a quiet residential street in Ilford.

Yesterday, 16:59

The historic department store Bodgers will close at the end of February 2018, it has been confirmed.

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Most read news

Show Job Lists

Competitions

Having a brand new kitchen is something that lots of people want but can only dream of. Sadly keeping up to date and making our living spaces as nice as they can be is a costly and incredibly stressful business. Even a fresh coat of paint makes all the difference but isn’t easy or quick.

Who wouldn’t love the chance to go on a shopping spree. Imagine being able to walk into a shop and choose whatever your heart desires without having to worry about how much it costs.

Digital Edition

cover

Enjoy the
Ilford Recorder
e-edition today

Subscribe

Education and Training

cover

Read the
Education and Training
e-edition today

Read Now