A look at issues of today: Kleen-ing up with a politically correct tale

PUBLISHED: 12:00 27 October 2018


It’s been an interesting time for equality. Kleenex renamed their man-sized tissues after complaints that it was sexist.

It’s also inaccurate because I’m 6ft 2 and I have to use dozens to cover me.

Some people were angry with the move, tweeting Kleenex to say that they’d never use their product again. The irony is they can’t even cry about it because if they do they can’t blow their nose.

It comes as Keira Knightley said she doesn’t let her children watch Cinderella because she doesn’t like the message that you should wait around to be saved by a prince.

“But that can happen in real life,” said Meghan Markle, probably.

Actress Kristen Bell also said she has issues with Disney’s films teaching non-feminist messages.

This means there’s a gap in the market so I thought I’d write you a politically correct fairytale.

Once upon a time there was a young girl called Snow Caucasian. She lived in the woods with seven PEOPLE. They were people.

The wicked witch was jealous of Snow’s looks but also her intelligence and ability with STEM subjects. So the wicked witch paid her a visit.

“Apples! Apples!” shouted the witch.

“Oh,” said Snow, “are they fair trade and locally sourced?”

“For crying... yes, they are,” said the wicked witch and handed Snow a poisoned apple.

Snow took one bite and fell into a deep sleep, from which she could only wake if a prince kissed her.

Years passed till one day the prince paid the seven people a visit. He saw Snow sleeping and the people explained that one kiss could free her. The prince said, “Oh, I couldn’t possibly even give her a peck on the cheek without asking if it was OK first.”

So the prince left Snow Caucasian there and they all lived happily ever after... kind of.

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